I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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