Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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