Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my being single is dangerous.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize