She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
