how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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