You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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