He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
