I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
