my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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