Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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