Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
