Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
