So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
