Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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