these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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