a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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