I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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