Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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