so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
