Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
