just tell him i said nine months
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
