he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
