Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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