I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
