I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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