Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
