Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
