Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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