just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need a beard to bite.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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