if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
