DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
