woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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