Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
