did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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