just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize