just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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