A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
