i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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