i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
