I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
