I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
pray to the hookup gods
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
