every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
