tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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