I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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