he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
not ubering you a puppy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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