my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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