Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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