I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
