My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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