I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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