worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
