You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
