saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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