I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
