I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
