How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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