GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
