remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
