One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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