Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
